cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
