omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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