when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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