You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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