There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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