I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
