Swine flu. Run for my life!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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