tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
