My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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