his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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