He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
