Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
