i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better after having sex.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize