CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
