So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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