you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
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Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
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Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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