"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
