Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
