Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
