I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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