Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
