Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
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You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
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I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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