My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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