i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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