I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
