Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
