Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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