LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I love having hate sex.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
