onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize