Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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