is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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