the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
