New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
