im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
