uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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