I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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