her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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