WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
