my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
the liver wants what the liver wants
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
