Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think I am morally bankrupt
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
