i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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