do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
