ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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