Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
