If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize