I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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