Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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