I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do vagina's smell?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.