I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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