I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
This house was built for laser tag.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
