Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
