planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
