i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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