Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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