I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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