Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
