She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Randomize