Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
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Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
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I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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