The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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