Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
